Another expectation bites the dust! It's cool though... afterall, sleep is for the weak!

I would have bet a million (okay, maybe a thousand) bucks on the fact that by the time Gabe turned a year old, he'd be sleeping through the night. This is the one expectation that got me through the first six months of his life! While pacing the floors at 3 am with a screaming baby, I'd envision my peaceful nights to come.

The fantasy went something like this: My husband and I would be sitting at the dining table, enjoying a wonderfully home-cooked meal, with Gabe munching next to us in his high chair. (Cue classical music in the background). I'd clear the table and throw the dishes in the dishwasher as my husband took Gabe upstairs to start a bath. I'd finish the kitchen cleanup just in time to see my adorable son - fully clad in his adorable one-piece footsie pajamas - picking out his bedtime books. He'd cuddle up next to me to enjoy his story. His eyes would start to close and I'd carefully place him in his crib. I'd turn the monitor on, shut the door, and head downstairs to my awaiting glass of wine. My husband and I would enjoy our drinks while discussing the events of the day. We'd head to bed for some amazing, knock-you-out type lovemaking. I'd be awakened not by the alarm, but by the sweet babbling of my baby over the monitor. We'd lie in bed and soak in the sounds, amazed at our little creation. Finally, my husband would bring the baby into our room, where we'd all snuggle and laugh the morning away.

Comparing my fantasy to our reality is a joke. In the 349 days that Gabriel has existed on this earth, he has yet to sleep through the night. On a good night, and I say this with all honesty, he wakes up 3 times. I've resigned myself to the fact that these dark circles under my eyes are just an additional accessory that I will have to wear now that I'm a parent. They're dark enough that they actually complement my brown wood hoop earrings. My husband wasn't blessed with the dark circles. Instead, he was given the large bags under his eyes as his badge to wear!

We really aren't certain why Gabe doesn't like to sleep. Doesn't he know how good it feels to just lie there silently with his eyes closed? Here is a list of all the possible reasons we've thought of and that others have suggested (usually without regard to the fact that I don't want to hear it!):

-We never taught him the 'skill' of learning how to put himself to sleep alone.
-He's afraid of the dark.
-He's kept awake by constant gas ("Did I try eliminating dairy?", they ask... Jesus, yes!!!).
-I tossed and turned too much during pregnancy, resulting in his not knowing how to keep still.
-He's just not tired (Um... seriously NOT a possibility!).
-Gabe doesn't know the difference between day and night (Someone actually suggested we try hanging him upside down to switch his days and nights. WHAT?!).
-He doesn't play enough during the day to make him tired at night.

The list could go on and on. Do you want to know what I say to this list??

BULLSHIT!

My child doesn't sleep because I was blessed with a bad sleeper. It's that simple. And, truthfully, do the reasons why he isn't sleeping really matter? What matters more is how to get him to sleep more/better!?

This leads me to another list, albeit much shorter than the first. When I tell someone that Gabe is a terrible sleeper, (which, by the way, I rarely do anymore as it's not worth the 'advice') I get one of three responses. I swear that I've heard/seen these same three responses every single time:

1. Eyebrows go up, in a clear look of disapproval. No words are said, but the look says it all, "This is YOUR fault, momma. Every child should be sleeping through the night at a year old. You really should stop breastfeeding."

2. "You are spoiling him. Just let him cry it out. Haven't you heard of Ferber? I did this. It only took three nights and now I have the best sleeper in the entire world!"

3. "Oh, don't even bother. My six year old STILL doesn't sleep through the night".

I am not even exaggerating a bit when I say that these are the only responses that I hear. I wont debate the whole Cry It Out (CIO)/ Ferber technique. To each their own and I will not judge you if you try this method. However, I will say that there is something very unnatural to me about listening to my baby scream in the next room. How do we know that Jeffrey Dahmer's mother didn't let him CIO and that's how he ended up in the situation he was in!?

So, I've come to some general conclusions about sleep. Your child is either born a good sleeper or he isn't. You can try various techniques to improve sleep, but it's more than likely be unsuccessful and cause you way more stress than is necessary. There is no way to 'fix' this problem. And, if you don't believe me, you can borrow one of the seven 'Sleep Books' that I have in my 'library'.

So, to all of you ladies who are expecting or thinking of having children, let go of that expectation that your child is going to sleep through the night anytime in the first year. Wear those circles under your eyes proudly! When someone asks you "Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?" just smile and nod. More likely than not, the person asking you has the baby who "started sleeping through the night at two weeks." Why else would they ask you that ridiculous question?