To some this may seem morbid or depressing and I can't entirely disagree. However, I'm mourning and I have the right to be as sad as I want for as long as I need to. My mother was only 59 years old, and although any age is too young to lose a mom, losing your mom when she is so young just seems exceptionally cruel.
Everywhere I turn this impending day is in my face- from commercials to newspapers to stores - everyone is yelling, "Buy your mom the perfect gift this year!", "Don't forget the person who never forgets you.", "Bring a smile to that special lady in your life." The message seems more prominent this year, louder, in my face. Surely this isn't true, but my perception is my reality these days.
Now let's be realistic here. I did have some Mother's days that weren't the best. There were some I'd like to forget. Those days when I was younger and immature and the 'obligation' of seeing my mother wrestled the other obligations that I thought were important. I think I even remember speaking the words, "It's my mother's day too, you know" shortly after becoming a new mom. I'd be remiss to not mention that it wasn't all peaches and cream. No relationship is. But, overall, it was good. It was better than good. I had a fantastic mom and I was so loved.
Losing my mom has left a void in my life that I never could have imagined. It's the simple things that I miss the most about my mom. My mom was the ONE person who always answered the phone. I knew that I could call her at 6:00 am or midnight and she would be thrilled to hear my voice. I knew that if I was stuck on the side of the road or had a fight with my husband, my mother would be the first call I'd make... and I would hang up that phone feeling better. I miss my mother's questions, "Tell me something funny the kids said today?" With the exception of my husband, no one else truly cares what my kids said. I miss how proud of me my mother always would be as I'd over hear my mom brag to her friends, "She went to Middlebury, you know. She's a manager now." I miss her smile, her smell, her hands.
As I mature in life, I've become privy to all of these secret societies that I never knew existed. First was my induction into the new motherhood society. I found a group of woman who all were facing the same struggles with being a new mom. You would see another mom braving her first grocery shopping visit with a newborn in tow and you'd share that 'knowing glance'. There was a commradery amongst us.
And now, since losing my mom, I've come across a new secret society of woman who have also experienced the sheer loss and emptiness that comes along with losing the woman who gave you life. There is nothing else like it and although others may empathize, only those who are also motherless truly understand.
As a result, I invite all of you to join me in a day of mourning and loss on Sunday, May 13th- our Motherless day. Those who have not lost a mom may think us to be morbid and twisted. They might attempt to comfort us with words such as, "You should celebrate her life." or "She wouldn't want you to be sad." But we know the truth. We need to live without a mom for the rest of our lives. Surely there will be time to celebrate and to remember her. But this year, I will just join forces with those in my secret society of motherless daughters. I will have a drink and look through old photos. I will dig out those old videos or phone messages. I will cry. I will allow myself one Mother's Day of pure wallowing in self-pity. Then, I will pick myself up by the bootstraps and attempt to move on. I may regress, but I will persevere forward... the day after Motherless Day.
Dedicated to Mama Sylv... my one and only Mother.
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