Now I can really put the title of my blog to good use!

After my 6 week writing 'hiatus', I'm back! I apologize for the long absence, especially to all of you who read my blog as religiously as the Bible. I hate that I've kept you waiting. I'm sure you'd understand though. In between working full time and taking care of my one-year-old son, you'd likely find me in the bathroom hugging the porcelain God. I'm not sure if my last post was a premonition, but guess what?? Yup, pregnant again!

When I wrote my last post, I wasn't anticipating getting pregnant so quickly. Who the hell would have guessed that it would take one time of 'doing the deed' to conceive? If you've been a follower of my blog, you'll remember my history of standing on my head to get pregnant with my first. This pregnancy really came as a shock... a pleasant shock... but a shock nonetheless. When my very-regularly-scheduled monthly visitor didn't appear, I was a bit concerned. I waited an entire day to take a pregnancy test and nearly fainted when I saw TWO pink lines. How could this be so easy? And.. how could this be so cheap?? (I had spent nearly $200 on pregnancy tests when trying the first time around.) Had I realized we'd get pregnant so easily and quickly, I probably would have made a much more concerted effort to really savor the sex!

I'm officially 9 weeks pregnant and this pregnancy couldn't be any more different than it was with Gabe. For starters, I've been hit hard with morning sickness. (Which by the way is a really ridiculous name for things considering I am sick morning, noon, and night. I think I'll stick to the official name of 'nausea gravidarum'. That sounds more serious, anyway!) This has been a difficult aspect to manage between work and caring for a toddler. While I would have preferred to wait to tell my managers and colleagues, I couldn't justify running away from my patients in mid-sentence. My husband knew I must be really sick when I started popping Zofran like it was candy. This coming from a girl who could be on her deathbed before agreeing to take a Tylenol.

The other aspect of this pregnancy that has been much different (and personally, much more alarming) is my absolute lack of attachment to this pregnancy. This isn't to say that I wouldn't be devastated if, God forbid, something happened and I lost my child. However, I am having a much more difficult time feeling as though this pregnancy is real. The moment I found out that I was pregnant with Gabe I immediately felt a new life growing inside of me. Not physically, of course. Emotionally, however, I felt as though I carried a special secret around with me. It didn't matter what went wrong in the world because I had a human being growing inside of me. I would often talk to him and sing him songs while in my tummy. I am having a much more difficult time wrapping my mind around things this time around. While I do realize how much more occupied I am now as compared to the first time around, I somehow feel as though I'm not being as good of a parent... already!! I thought that feeling only came once the baby was born. When pregnant with Gabe I never, ever missed a prenatal vitamin. This time around, I'm lucky if I remember to eat breakfast. When pregnant with Gabe I carefully examined every food label, had someone else pump my gas, and I slept, and slept, and slept. This time around I eat whatever sounds appealing (including feta cheese!) and I hope for the best.

I keep telling myself that this is normal... and I secretly pray that my new miracle and I are able to find some bonding time soon.